Widows

Nathan has been gone on business this week which has given me far too much time by myself. Last night as I was frightened by the thunder and lightning outside, my mind went to widows. I can't imagine the pain and shock of losing a husband. The sudden shift from constant companionship to none is hard. Of course I realize that my time of being alone has been brief and has a end in sight. By no means am I comparing these few weeks alone to being a widow. However, I had no idea the dependancy I have on Nathan. As I was eating my dinner alone, cleaning the house alone, and going to bed alone, God gave me an intense compassion for women who make this transition in life. Ms. Betty T, my mentor in Auburn, always reminded us that statistically most women will experience this loss in their lifetime and God offers special care for them. Strangely enough, I was debating all day about driving to Booneville to see my new nephew (more to come about him:), but felt it wasn't the right thing to do. I kept thinking last night that if I had just gone home I wouldn't be experiencing this sadness, lonliness and fear. However, I guess that is exactly what God wanted me to feel. As bad as my flesh hates pain, I can see how it is necessary it is to bring me to depend on God. I have a new perspective today...greater thankfulness for Nathan, softer heart for those who suffer-especially widows, and more humbled awe of God's plan. Who knows, maybe God will use this to have me involved in a widows life. Hold me accountable to that option.