Monday, September 24, 2012

Could it be twins???!!!

Below is the post I've tossed around sharing for a long time. It felt risky to post something so "unknown" (by us), but in the end, this process is part of our story and it does and will continue to reflect God's faithfulness. The update since I wrote this almost two months ago is really nothing. :( We're still waiting for God to reveal His plan to us. I read John Pipers letter to Noel saying yes to their adoption. Such an encouragement to my soul, "What matters is not that we do all we might have done or all we dreamed of doing, but that while we live, we live by faith in future grace and walk in the path of love. The times are in God’s hands, not ours." - Piper

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Oh my! We received the BEST CALL EVER on Monday evening.. The "shared list" was due to be released on the evening of July 23. All day I had talked to God, "Lord, it would be really fun if you'd work a miracle and allow our LID (log-in date) to arrive today." So at 6:00 pm when I get a call from our caseworker, my heartbeat picked up the pace thinking the Lord might have chosen to surprise us. Well, He most certainly surprised us, but not with a LID. Not in a million years did I expect to hear what she had to say. Caseworker: "Hi Kim, I've got some exciting news but it's not definite. There is a possibility of twins. Would you and Nathan be open to twins?" Kim's thoughts: "What!!???? Are you kidding me? That would be just about the greatest thing I've ever heard!! Will Nathan be ok with this? Wait, we're only approved for one child. Lord, this would be just the most precious blessing! How much more will this cost? How in the world did we get blessed with this call?? My friend Kelly is praying for SN China twins...should I suggest her instead? How can I carry both babies around in a ergo at the same time?? What is the special need?" All of these thoughts swirled around in my head in a matter of minutes. Of course she answered all she could, but we don't have a file yet so there are still many questions that are unanswered at this point. Ultimately our agency needed our green light on twins before they started chasing their files. Our caseworker said that she'd email me all the details and a link to their pictures!!! Sadly Nathan was working in Midtown on Monday so I couldn't just fly to his office to discuss. I called him immediately and told him to drop everything, I needed his full attention for this news. Funny thing is that he was in the bathroom. :) He had answered since I had called 3 times back to back so he was worried I needed him immediately...which I DID! So I said, "Ok, you can call me back, but just pray about TWINS!" He laughed excitedly/nervously. He called me back and I told him the facts I knew, we prayed and opened the link to the pictures at exactly the same time.

We thought that girls were so incredibly precious, but we were trying to wrap our brain around this and wondering if this is what God has for us. We laughed, asked questions that couldn't be answered, sat in silence thinking, made the same comments over and over "this just seems to be too unusual for it not to be what God has for us".

What I haven't explained yet is why our caseworker told us "it's not definite." You see, typically when she calls us with a possible placement, she has the file of the child "locked" so no other families can see it. However, the twins files haven't yet made it to CCCWA. We've received word that the orphanage is working on their files to be posted on the shared list, but we are trying to secure their files before they hit the shared list. So there is no guarantee at this point that another family won't get their file before us...SIGH! The girls are just the most adorable things ever.  Like I said, the girls are one year old and both have a minor special need. Now we wait. We wait to see if God has ordained for us to be these girls parents. On Monday night I was trying to force myself to be guarded which was pretty much impossible. By Tuesday, I had completely given up and prayed that God would heal my heart if this doesn't work out. It's been great to be put in a situation to really trust His goodness no matter the outcome.

"Oh the depths of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God. How unsearchable His judgements and His paths beyond tracing out. Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things. To Him be the Glory forever! Amen." - Romans 11:33-36

Friday, September 7, 2012

Waiting with Action

It seems that waiting has been a theme in our lives for a while now. Lots of days I can honestly say I'm thankful for it because it forces us to cling to our Father and forces us to decide if we'll trust in Him or live full of anxiety with trust in ourselves (or our adoption agency or the infertility doc or fill in the blank). We all hate the unknown because ultimately we want control....We want to KNOW, we want to PLAN, we want to get on with our lives. So that leads to the days that I fight waiting with everything in my being...I want to scream that I can't take it any longer. Today is one of those days. I look at pictures and so want to experience everything our little one is seeing, doing, smelling, discovering today. However, I'm also slightly schizophrenic because as I write that sentence I'm reminded that the Lord met with me this morning and He is near! I praise Him for His work that is obtaining the best for us, not giving us all the gifts we ask for because He is all-knowing and has the best...not just good. The Spirit has given me a desire for righteousness, my flesh just wants control, comfort, happiness...Glad we are more than conquerors of our old sin nature by the blood of Christ and that God will not allow me to settle. He continues to bring things into our lives that force us to refinement, to righteousness.
Anyway, during this process we've been trying to figure out how to wait well. We want to wait with action. This by in large means constant prayer, but I also had the idea of writing a letter to our little one for each day we wait, beginning today. Just the emotions we're feeling, what's going on in our lives, how God is working and what we're learning. I haven't totally decided if I'll post them or if they'll be too personal to share. Either way, I'm looking forward to it.

Followers